while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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