Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
