So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
