the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
