In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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