no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she looked like the before picture.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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