yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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