which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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