i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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