Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
