She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
