As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
