I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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