i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
