Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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