Me. At least after what I've been through.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
