Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
