That's when you crack a 10am beer
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Even my vagina gasped.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
