I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
