The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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