this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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