Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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