They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
