Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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