He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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