i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize