I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
