I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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