our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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