i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
