Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
