I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
