She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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