I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
