I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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