I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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