i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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