I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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