I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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