Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
