I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
