we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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