Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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