one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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