the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
