She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i black out too much to be "responsible"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
