It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
