yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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