How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
