Umm I'm too high to move.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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