I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
