Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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