Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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