i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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