Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
