Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am available for nakedness
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
