i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
