please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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