He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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