i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
