My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
