You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
