Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
