Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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