Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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