i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I want a musical about memes.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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