I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
