I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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