did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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