when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
