and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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