Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
