I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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