We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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