You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
